there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
