I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize
