so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
