my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
