what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
