My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
