Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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