Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
