Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
