Will you blow on my dice?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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