I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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