Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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