a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
