So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
God, you're like boner-b-gone
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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