yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
