You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I supernannyed him into submission
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
