If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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