This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
