Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
