Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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