JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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