Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
