how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
