Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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