Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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