can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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