i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
