He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
