I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
