I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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