Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
