Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
