the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
