I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
