Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
