He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
