She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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