The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
