it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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