The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
