So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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