do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
