Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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