I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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