Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
