You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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