You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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