also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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