Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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