I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
