is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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