bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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