so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
