So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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