He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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