It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
