Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
