Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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