She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
