I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
