Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
