I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
