I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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