you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
