Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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