May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
