Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
