I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
