Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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