Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
